Men and Women are Different;
Very, very different
I couldn’t believe my ears. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Though I’ve been married
to my wife for almost twenty years, I’m beginning to see the light. Where have I
been? I finally got it; we are different. It reminds me of the book entitled, “What
Men Know About Women.” Then you open it and all the pages are blank. As men, we
joke among ourselves about not understanding women, but I believe that joking is
a way to hide our insecurities and our lack of understanding.
As Tom Peters says, “Men and women are different; very, very different. Men have
absolutely nothing in common with women.” So, there I was, another blinding flash
of insight. As I get older, I seem to have more of them. My wife and I were looking
to buy a big screen TV. The salesperson had articulated all the features and benefits
of each model. I had narrowed it down to two possible choices.
I said to my wife, “Honey, I like this one. It has over a hundred lines per square
inch (or something like that), so it has a great picture. Which do you like?” She
pointed at one on the other side of the display area and said, “I like this one.
It has just enough room on the top for me to put a plant or an accessory.”
I’ve been teaching sales for along time. In every seminar I teach that people buy
for their reasons not yours. I teach that you should never assume you know your
customer’s motives for buying. I teach the importance of asking great questions
in order to understand the customer. Most research shows the average salesperson
does not ask enough questions. Understanding the customer is so important because
when the customer feels understood, she is more open to influence. That’s why empathy
is the number one characteristic of peak performing salespeople.
I had my reasons and my wife had hers. My reasons were typically male. We like to
know facts. I was loaded down with them. I pride myself in being a smart buyer.
After all, it had a hundred lines per inch, whatever that means. My wife is a smart
buyer as well. The problem is that we buy for totally different reasons.
Men and women don’t think the same way, don’t communicate the same way, and don’t
buy for the same reasons. As a hunter, a man was focused; he was always on a mission.
His goal was to find his prey, kill it and bring it home to feed his family. That’s
how a man shops. He wants a transaction to take place. He wants to get in, make
the transaction, get out and be gone. Men always move faster through a store’s aisles.
Men spend less time looking. They usually don’t like asking where things are. You’ll
see a man move impatiently through a store to the section he wants, pick something
up, and then, almost abruptly he’s ready to buy.
A woman, whereas, needed eyes to allow a wide arc of vision so that she could monitor
any predators sneaking up on the nest. So when a woman goes shopping her senses
are on alert. She perceives everything. It starts in the parking lot. Is it clean,
well lighted and safe? How does your product look on the shelf? Are the store and
the store’s restrooms clean? Are the aisles wide and easy to navigate? Does the
signage make the store easy to shop? She’s watching if you are living up to your
promise. Is the salesperson a well-dressed professional? Does he/she look like an
expert? How congruent is the salesperson’s presentation?
Female hearing advantage contributes significantly to what is called ‘women’s intuition’
and is one of the reasons why a woman can read between the lines of what people
say, especially sales people. Most flooring salespeople are men. Is that why Tom
Peters says that women consider flooring salespeople only slightly better than used
car salespeople? Is that why up to 40% of flooring customers, who walk into a flooring
store to buy, walk out and postpone the purchase? Is the problem that most salespeople
are men and up to 96% of our customers are women?
What do women think of male salespeople? According to Paco Underhill , the prominent
retail consultant, men are technically knowledgeable; assertive; get to the point;
pushy; condescending; and insensitive to women’s needs. ( Paco Underhill , Why We
Buy)
When a woman buys, she’s interested in creating a relationship. Every place women
go they make connections - no connection no sale. The number one reason a woman
buys from someone else: A belief in the salesperson not the creative idea. To your
female customer, it is as much about how she feels about you or service personality
and attitude as it is about the facts. It’s about the chemistry. If the chemistry
doesn’t work, she moves on. With a woman you may have to meet with her many times.
Women go through a deliberate decision process before they shop. But, when she decides
to shop she may do it quickly.
What does this mean for all sales people? We need to sell using the new selling
model. We need to spend most of the time building the relationship, rather than
trying to make the sale. At the same time we need to dial up the information, and
dial down the pressure and the anxiety. The customer has to feel that the relationship
is more important to us than making the sale. Asking more questions and listening
carefully to her answers builds that relationship. We need to discover her reasons
for buying, and then personalize the benefits she receives from our product. Then
the experience with us, our company and our brand needs to be memorable.
We have to go out of our way to not appear too eager. Eagerness destroys trust.
We can’t use pressure or be pushy. Our assertiveness must be tempered by our concern
for her needs. We must never talk down to her or use industry jargon she doesn’t
understand. Most of all, we should be patient, while listening.
The decision process takes time, and it takes trust. So the message to all of us
is: Stop selling and start listening. She will reveal the why of her indecision
if we are patient enough to listen respectfully. Remember, she buys for her reasons,
not ours..
By: Sam Allman